Vasectomy jokes reddit 708 votes, 54 comments. The doctor thought for a brief moment and then opened a cabinet and took out a can of fireworks. Something being a joke doesn’t mean it’s automatically above criticism. (19 March 2006) upvotes · comments I (26f) asked my husband (30m) to get a vasectomy. after my first year in jail, my wife got pregnant. I’m wondering if you can share any items you included in your care basket for your spouse or must haves that helped the recovery process. We have 3 children (7f,2m,9mos f), and every single labor with them has gone horribly wrong. Reddit is alive and well. " I just smirked and kissed her goodbye. I am completed my full non-reversible vasectomy, general anesthesia(27 April 2024) !!!! I am 18 y. I was the one that brought it back up post-pandemic, pushed for an appointment, etc. The joke only works if you don't understand the terms. Doc only used about a 3/16" incision to get the job done. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts! Members Online In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. Several years later, a tribal woman gives birth to a white child. These jokes have gained quite a ‘following’, much like a dad with a GPS lost in a new city. Anybody know the one I'm talking about, involving wearing a suit to your vasectomy? So the next morning Amber Heard tried to trap me and said: "You are stuck with me for the rest of your life. That was the funny part, happened a long time ago. Joke with your dick doc. "Go home, find yourself a cherry bomb, light it up and put it in a Coors Lite can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts! what are the pros and cons of a vasectomy? Pro: If the procedure is successful, It's the most effective form of birth control there is, besides abstinence. Just wad. Oct 5, 2024 路 Vasectomy Jokes Reddit. Posted by u/ihazchanges - 256 votes and 13 comments Jul 29, 2020 路 The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. The doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10. 1. Vasectomy: The one time “shooting blanks” is a good thing. Same deal here. The funniest sub on Reddit. I think it has gone back to normal now though but still more than before vasectomy. Since we all know abstinence isn't really something anyone wants to voluntarily practice, vasectomy is the way to go if you're 100% sure you never want kids (or more kids, in most cases). Posted by u/porichoygupto - 2,639 votes and 74 comments There was a classic rock playlist going in the background so now every time I hear “Hotel California” I think about my vasectomy. It’s a vas deferens. Not being able to afford the procedure, the doctor recommended he go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. Please report any comments making claims about side effects that do not include a legitimate citation. They want back to the right after they successfully cutting the left. When my mom was drunk she slipped out that my dad had a vasectomy before me. Some people are born with lame jokes in their heart and so here, everyone is a dad. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a empty beer can and then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. A sub for anyone to ask questions about the military. Have you heard of the guy who got a vasectomy? Now he’s shooting pointlessly. It became infected and he had to go into the doctor's waiting room wearing a flowery skirt benti over, couldn't get into pants. They’re the kind of jokes that don’t just tickle your funny bone, they give it a good, pain-free surgery. If a Bluebird has blue babies, a blackbird has black babies, a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no Posted by u/MaintainThis - 53 votes and 5 comments Husband is having vasectomy coming up in a couple of weeks and I’m really appreciative of him doing this due to all the trauma my body went through for my daughter’s birth. ” Vasectomy: Where “pulling out” takes on a whole new meaning. I kept waiting for the pulling and tugging feelings but nothing happened. but seems like thats not the main concern of urs OP To be clear, dad status is not a requirement. vasectomy is a scam. The urologist had told me beforehand that I would be fine to drive myself home after the procedure, which I ended up needing to do because the friend who was supposed to drive me bailed on me last minute. 2. ***Your post must be a question; chat posts are not allowed. But he did get divorced and remarried and had to go get the vasectomy reversed and had twins. r/Jokes: The funniest sub on Reddit. Like plane travel, I didn’t know if I was going to have to sprint across the airport terminals to make my flights or not. The tribe is in an uproar and the chief goes to the missi 29M subscribers in the Jokes community. Doctor offered a vasectomy but Willey Jone didn't want that and asked it there was anything else he could do. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts! However, jocks still give me some confidence that I won’t be in much pain due to my vasectomy when I can’t judge just how ‘active’ I will be. The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the Read jokes about vasectomy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts! Welcome! This is a friendly place for those cringe-worthy and (maybe) funny attempts at humour that we call dad jokes. Reply reply Waddles113 • That’s a little too racy here in The US. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts! Members Online A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. Edit 2: my top post is now a joke about my testicles. We start shooting the breeze and telling jokes as he starts the procedure. It ended up coming down to either I get a vasectomy or my wife gets her tubes tied. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts! In the 80's, when I wanted my vasectomy, my wife was required Lol yes, I told him I had already frozen some and I think the biggest thing they want you to know is reversal doesn't always work, is much more invasive and 10x the cost. There is also a very famous vasectomy joke but is kind of racist and hasn't aged well, but I have to admit it's the first thing I think of when it comes to vasectomy jokes. 29M subscribers in the Jokes community. But on top of that vasectomy gags just ain’t something I find funny. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but it was expensive. Anyway the reason I'm posting is because before I had it done I figured I wanted to mess with them a little. Open menu Open navigation Go to Reddit Home After getting a vasectomy a guy complains to his buddy that they don't work since his wife still keeps getting pregnant. Expand user menu Open settings menu Open settings menu Anybody know any decent vasectomy jokes? - Reddit Get app 1. She said no one jokes during their vasectomy, and she had never heard that one. Everyone gets picked on when they have a vasectomy. The buddy says "mine didn't work either, it just made the babies come out black" A missionary goes to an African nation and teaches about christianity. Some dads are wholesome, some are not. People are kind of laughing about failed vasectomies, and to be fair I smiled at the joke a little, which is kind of amusing in context. Reply Memerandom_ • Welcome! This is a friendly place for those cringe-worthy and (maybe) funny attempts at humour that we call dad jokes. Not bad at all. They gave up on the right side for a while because they couldn't get the crochet like thing to hook around my veins. Often (but not always) a verbal or visual pun, if it elicite vasectomy is fake. Often (but not always) a verbal or visual pun, if it elicited a snort or face palm then our community is ready to groan along with you. 134 votes, 12 comments. No stitches. Ummm. Send your best. She was talking with me to distract me and said you want to hear a good vasectomy joke? Of course I said yes, not knowing it was going to go this way. Posted by u/Level_32_Mage - 1,090 votes and 40 comments Posted by u/trevdak2 - 15,044 votes and 166 comments They were in the hospital in that episode. Reply reply Vasectomy ruining sex quality is the myth, vasectomy not harming it and occasionally helping it is the tale I've heard from people who had one. Makes a lot of vasectomy jokes. So I went in to get my vasectomy, feeling a bit anxious about the procedure. The rest of us here after the initial "good one" bring it to the top because we also enjoyed it, but our thoughts have been expressed already. This will be enforced. Dec 8, 2024 路 If you want to discuss side effects of vasectomy, or PVPS (post vasectomy pain syndrome), please use citations - no conjecture. r/Jokes • Apparently this weekend there will be constant rane, hale, gails, drissle, thundre, litnin, hy tydes, tawnaydoes and frizzing colde. So they want to know you're certain about the whole thing. before I've been locked up in jail for 2 years, I went to the doctor and have a vasectomy done. Related Topics Joke Funny/Humor To be clear, dad status is not a requirement. I am not on the pill. Nice guy though. People are commenting about what a lame joke it is and others are criticizing the underlying issues with the joke. The vasectomy humour may include short abortion jokes also. I had a vasectomy because I didn't want to have kids. 9K votes, 122 comments. To be clear, dad status is not a requirement. I was swollen and burning hot for two weeks. I can go to a comedy movie and say it was a shit show that absolutely sucked and had jokes that no one finds funny anymore. "There is a cheaper option," said the vet. I told my vasectomy doctor to “keep it brief,” and now I’m brief-less. I had an abortion. I am 32 years old, currently married with 2 kids, we both agreed we do not want a third. Welcome! This is a friendly place for those cringe-worthy and (maybe) funny attempts at humour that we call dad jokes. 9K votes, 68 comments. Posted by u/PM_YOUR_CENSORD - 4,369 votes and 69 comments My no needle, no scalpel vasectomy, was less discomfort than having blood drawn. 3. " “I ain't no rocket surgeon," said the redneck, "but how's that gonna help me?" “Trust me” said the When i was a kid i truly thought a vasectomy meant just removing the balls because like, hey if it was so hard to get surgery for women to avoid pregnancy, it's gottA be tough on men too. One soccer player played soccer the afternoon of his vasectomy at a Chicago Clinic! Vasectomy big deal? No, its 15min 45 max procedure (not surgery, think of it like wisdom teeth removal as local anesthetics too) with most insurance, 80%, covering it, and invasive. They could have even done 'Sookie gets mad at Jackson for lying about the vasectomy, Jackson swears up and down that he did the procedure, Jackson eventually brings in the doctor who gave him the snip to tell Sookie, and then Sookie learns that vasectomies aren't 100% and has to mumble-apologize for yelling and calling Jackson a liar'. That's the surgery that changes the color of your kids. Apparently, all a vasectomy does is change the color of the baby. I can only speak for myself, but my ex-husband got a vasectomy which failed, and I got pregnant. The vet told him he could get a vasectomy, but it was expensive. There’s a vas deferens between these and any others you may find! Mar 17, 2004 路 So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children. It's about how the joke is delivered. When I had mine, my friends called me “gimpy nuts” for a week. 4. So if anything it increased my libido 2 X My doctor said my wife had a medical condition that would prevent us from having children Having been dealt this tragic news, we travelled to Mexico for 2 weeks It's probably down voted because it doesn't make sense. Be better. We're all different and excellent. The joke implies that people from Alabama are too stupid to count without their fingers, resulting in the m80 (a firecracker) blowing up inside of a beer can between his legs. She hates all my jokes, but this one is really going to piss her off A friend of mine had a vasectomy after having 2 kids. Posted by u/carrotwhirl - 5,764 votes and 221 comments I was confused about the joke for a min because of the phrasing I thought the guy had both a Christmas tree and a vasectomy 馃ぃ I would suggest : What does a man with a vasectomy and a Christmas tree have in common? They can both get hung by the balls but they don't matter after Christmas. If you would have blindfolded me I wouldn’t have been able to tell anything had been done. That's the surgery that changes the color of your life. . There no connection between a vasectomy and impotence. The vasectomy joke in perfect. Discover some of the funniest vasectomy jokes out there! We've scoured the internet and gathered together the best vasectomy cartoons, candy, recovery plans, food, and more. ” After my vasectomy, I’ve been feeling a bit “disconnected. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts! So i get this joke, but my dad got a vasectomy and didn't The funniest sub on Reddit. But when I came back home, they were To be clear, dad status is not a requirement. Hey guys, honest experience review: **Brief History. What do you call a man who has just had a vasectomy? Sniper. 馃 Merry Christmakwanzika Short Vasectomy Jokes; Vasectomy One Liners; More Vasectomy Jokes; Funniest Vasectomy Short Jokes. I’m the youngest of 5 and our house was definitely built with 4 kids in mind Apparently they take up to 6 months to truly kick in, my mom got pregnant with me just a couple months after the vasectomy To be clear, dad status is not a requirement. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts! The funniest sub on Reddit. Getting snipped at 18 is no joke. Why would a man get a vasectomy? He wanted to limit his family’s jewelry by producing small stones. I got a tattoo of a piece of autoclave tape, because I'm "sterile". Jokes aside, it does happen, I'm looking at my 2nd soon. I had read a thread on vasectomy jokes and someone commented that someone should come out of the room wearing a dog cone collar. My parents were completely opposed to the idea when I brought it up when I was 17. If a Bluebird has blue babies, a blackbird has black babies, a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no Jan 4, 2024 路 Vasectomy Jokes is where the punchlines are as sterile as the procedure. The explosion and the shrapnel from the can would damage his penis beyond repair, therefore it would be a cheap and sketchy vasectomy. Welcome to r/litrpg, the ultimate community for fans of LitRPG literature! Whether you're an avid reader, a curious newcomer, or an aspiring writer, this subreddit is the perfect hub for all things LitRPG. Fanmade reddit for sharing news, discussion, and more about 29M subscribers in the Jokes community. Short vasectomy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. Reddit's largest humor depository. Get app Get the Reddit app Log In Log in to Reddit. ***Please use a clear title for your question: clear titles get clear answers. I lied. It's like the standard of the subreddit, relevant real joke? Upvote. Usually it comes from men who had thiers years before. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts! The best thing about vasectomy is less reproduction! To be clear, dad status is not a requirement. And like, that's cute and all but after seeing it literally a hundred times the same way, I'm really looking for inspiration for other things that are funny or cute or useful. On a real life basis though, failed vasectomy isn't funny at all. Have you been up for longer than a normal human being can operate? Good. The access hole was the same size as the needle hole from giving blood, and it was closed by the time I got home. 6& Posted by u/Toomad316 - 1,156 votes and 42 comments The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but that it would cost $1,000. It's a niche joke. So I'm picking up a friend from the hospital after their vasectomy today so I need vasectomy jokes for him for the car ride home. Right when I got to college, I made my intentions clear to everyone on my dorm floor that I was going to get a vasectomy. " Dec 6, 2024 路 Funny Vasectomy One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Vasectomy Jokes; Vasectomy QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Vasectomy; Dad Jokes About Vasectomy: Pun-Filled Quips; Vasectomy Jokes and Puns for Kids; Vasectomy Jokes and Puns for Elders; Vasectomy Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media; Snip, Snap, Snicker: That's a Wrap (on These Jokes)! Posted by u/Photononic - 3 votes and 1 comment Vasectomy tomorrow, need jokes Humor Ok dads, I'm getting snipped tomorrow, and my doctor said I should come to the office with jokes to help make things less awkward. I moved away from them to go to college. I got a vasectomy, and I no longer expel sperms. Sometimes it can be really difficult. I had mine done at the Veterans Hospital it took them an hour and a half no joke. All the same vasectomy puns/wordplay on snacks and shirts or underwear with vasectomy jokes in some fashion. Have you just laughed at a joke that wouldn't be funny otherwise? submit your insomniac dad jokes today 6. Enjoyed said joke? Express satisfaction through comment of "good one". So during my vasectomy it was just me and the younger female doctor in the room. 1,5 months plus out I started having daily sexual dreams in the mornings and started waking up bricked up in the mornings again. true. 46M subscribers in the AskReddit community. Foolish 8 year old i was It's a true story! I have to go have the consult next month and I'm saving this joke to tell her when I get home. Why did this man get a vasectomy on Friday? Jul 29, 2020 路 When it comes to surgery vasectomies are a whole different ball game. The nurse, trying to ease my nerves, assured me… The vasectomy was a mutual decision but tbh was more me than her, mainly because I think she hoped she could bring me around on the idea of a third kid lol. And the same is true of these funny vasectomy jokes and puns. Curington. It was Dr. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. o. Vasectomy: The snip that keeps you from a “full house. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts! Vasectomy of course prevents pregnancy but not because it /r/3amjokes - for all the stupid humor of sleep deprivation. Edit: holy hell every single one of you has given me a dad joke and I can't even begin to sort them. Been with 2 girls plenty of times in the last 8-9 years since I did it, and I can confirm that in my case, all but one load has been deposited, and zero pregnancies have occurred. Doc comes in after about 5 mins and starts playing the music I requested (Billy Joel). Top posts of April 2, 2020 Top posts of April 2020 Top posts of 2020 Top posts of April 2020 Top posts of 2020 Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts! Members Online A 24 year old, having recently made a big return on his investments, decided to buy a ferrari and take it for a spin on the road To be clear, dad status is not a requirement. As is the reddit system (or as it should be in theory I believe). Please make sure you are familiar with our rules before posting or commenting. ynsi ircekl xin uedxr zxal eay rztl vsiwqfa kpwmx qnhn